After an invigorating day at the hospital; I am going home absolutely drained, sweaty and finished. I have just had to resuscitate a 2 year old child that fell into the pool and nearly drowned. The child was rushed into the hospital in the arms of her father after falling in the pool. There were absolutely no signs of life. We spent 45 minutes fighting to get the beautiful little 2 year old back. We eventually do get a heart beat and intubate the little one.
She is now barely back to life and it will take a long recovery. She may never be as high functioning as she was before. We are not sure how much trauma the brain endured.
I then get home and send my husband into a panic about fixing the pool net and make appointments for swimming lessons. I tell the nanny about pool safety and say a little prayer with my family for the little girl.
On other occasion I recieved a child that was involved in a car accident. The 4 year old boy was sitting at the back seat with no seat belt and is brought into the hospital in bad shape.
Now every time we get into the car I tell the kids to be sure they buckle up properly. I double check their seat belts. I repeatedly tell them to always be sure they are properly buckled as we could get into an accident.
There are many other stories of frightening things that have happened at work over the years. A lot of the time when it is something serious and devastating, especially involving children, I want to learn from it as I don't want anything to happen to my precious angels.
I find myself now reflecting on my reactions to some of these events. I don’t like the negative messages I have sent to my children. I know it's very important for me to protect them and to practice safety, but I dont want them to grow up being fearful. I want them to be safe but carefree and playful. I don’t want them to be afraid of climbing a tree because they could fall out of it.I don’t want them to grow up thinking about the worst outcome of every event.
The circumstances I am exposed to are very severe and shocking, but as moms we all have life events that shape us. We all have our insecurities, fears, or scary things that we have lived through that may have traumatized us in some way. My new resolution in life is not to pass my fears onto my children. It's important for us to teach them and give them tools but I want to do it from a place of empowerment and growth and not from a place of fear.
So yes, sometimes terrifying things happen at work that shake me a little and make me want to protect my family, but I have learned to leave my fear at work. I don't bring it home to my family anymore. Now I focus on equipping them with life skills and make sure that I protect not only their lives but their innocence and their joy too.